THE ABUSIVE MOTHER — WHO I AM!

• I am a wonderful mother and you owe me for having taken care of you and raised you because I sacrificed so much for you. You are responsible for my happiness and I should be the central person in your life for the rest of your life.

• You owe it to me to tell me everything that is going on in your life so that I can use it to manipulate and control you and give you guilt.

• If you try to pull away from me, I will come on stronger…calling you more and more; talking to relatives (siblings) about you so they will call you and make you feel guilty; make myself sick so you will have to communicate with me because you will be afraid I might die and you would take responsibility for this (of course, I want you to believe this because it works every time); use every guilt trick I can think of, embarrass you by outrageous behavior. I disregard normal cues to back off, shut-up, change, compromise. If anything, the cues you give make me come on stronger, using guilt and the distortion of your belief systems that I taught you and I will hound you until I get my way, no matter how long it takes or what outrageous behaviors I must go through to do this.

• I have a right to invade your privacy as a person because you are an extension of me; you have no self and I will never let you have a self, if I can use guilt or manipulation to keep you from having one.

• I really don’t like you…I am really incapable of liking or loving anyone but myself.

• I believe you should give me unconditional love, respect, time, attention…however, I will rarely give you any of this because you don’t deserve it because you have never given me enough. I will make you believe that if only you will do whatever it is I want that day that I will give you love and like you, but I am acting and conning you.

• I will get my way no matter what it takes because I deserve to get my way. Your needs (you shouldn’t have needs except to serve my needs) are unimportant and I don’t even notice them except to use them to manipulate you,

• I will give you gifts, but they always have strings attached because if you try to do something I don’t want you to do, I will remind you that you owe me. I am incapable of getting joy from giving a gift freely. I am incapable of empathy or caring that someone else is hurting, especially you. In fact, if I can make you hurt to get you to do what I want, that’s great!!!

• How dare you even think that you can have an intimate relationship with someone besides me, especially if they are strong, independent people who teach you what I really am about? I will do whatever it takes to disrupt those relationships.

• I will treat your children much better than I treated you to teach you that you should have given me unconditional love and there is something wrong with you.

• You do not have the right to be happy if I am not happy…in fact, your happiness should only depend on making me happy…nothing else.

• I really don’t care if you are successful or not, except if I can brag about you to make me look better or use the money you make. In fact, I would rather you would be dysfunctional, divorced, alone, etc. and living near me so that I could use you for my bidding. If you are weak and unhappy and guilt-ridden, you are easier to use.

• I don’t want you and your brothers and sisters to be happy and like each other. It serves my interests more if I can play you against one another, because when I do that I am the center of everyone’s life and I get attention and what I want.

• I love to create chaos. I don’t want people around me to be happy, stress free, and content. If I sense that you are happy, I am going to use every trick in my book to make you miserable and upset.

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